And You May Ask Yourself…

June 16, 2007 at 9:36 pm 5 comments

…well, how did I get here?

Sometimes I wonder.

Ok. So it wasn’t the perfect childhood. But I did the best with what was dealt to me.

My parents divorced when I was 5. My mom was granted custody, which was the norm for the times. But yet they still got along well enough that when it came time for “Dad’s weekend”, my mom usually was there, all weekend. Hey, it was the early 70’s.

I never really “knew” my dad until they decided to take another shot at “it” when I was 11. It lasted for about 18 months, but in her heart, my mom couldn’t hack it. And she was as tough as nails. From what I remember as a toddler and recollections from my siblings (half-sibs, but that’s splitting heirs, heh) my dad was a bit… well…to say it nicely…controlling.

Having to decide which one to live with was not an option the first go-round, but the second time around was a real bitch.

So I spent a couple of years with him and tried to absorb as much of the good stuff that I could and filtered out the bullshit. I definitely picked up on his sense of humor, his sense of adventure, the willingness to try new things and how not to be a lemming. You could say we were somewhat close. One thing I can definitely say about him was that he was extremely fair. He was always willing to consider both sides before laying down the law. He was a bit of a rebel and liked to be his own boss. He was always freelancing his writing or photo skills and later tried to start his own home based biz.

But that never panned out and eventually he wanted to leave California for Texas. Texas? I don’t think so. So we parted ways and I went back to live with mom, who was having a bit of trouble on her own. My dad could take care of himself.

After that we still communicated regularly, mostly by phone. During the last few years it was mostly to borrow money from me. I sent what I could when I could. He never made an appearance at the milestones: graduation, wedding, etc. Being his only son, I guess I kind of expected a little more effort on his part. Unfortunately he had this aversion to growing old and I vaguely remember him telling me that he never wanted to be a grandfather. Imagine that! Well he managed to live up to (or not) that little goal because he passed away one year before my son was born.

I’ve always tried to be a better father to my son than my dad was to me and I think I am. And although I may kid around (pun intended) my son is my pride and joy and I would walk through fire for him.

Well, Dad, I will always remember the laughs, the trips to the desert to shoot the races, and the Baja Bug we put together. Those were great times!

I hope there’s a WiFi connection where you are right now ’cause I want you to know that I still think of and love you.

Happy Father’s Day Dad.


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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. teri  |  June 17, 2007 at 12:27 am

    he looks like a rebel! He’s got the jeep and everything to prove it.

    nice story, mixednut. it’s good that you two were still able to have a relationship regardless of what was going on.

  • 2. teri  |  June 17, 2007 at 2:52 am

    oh yeah, here’s hoping that YOU have a Happy Father’s Day tomorrow.

  • 3. Dick Small  |  June 17, 2007 at 9:56 pm

    Happy Father’s Day, Mixed!

  • 4. Sans Pantaloons  |  June 17, 2007 at 11:55 pm

    An excellent post. A loving tribute. Happy Father’s Day Mixednut.

  • 5. mixednut42  |  June 18, 2007 at 2:54 am

    Thanks guys! It was a great day.


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