From The Depths

Oh crap.
Look who’s “back”.
Just when you thought I’d given up forever. I have submerged from the swamp.

First of all I feel like I should apologize for my sudden and prolonged absence. It seems to be the case that when things are going well, or at least ok, I’m in the mood to blog. But when the shit hits the fan, I tend to clam up. No sense in sharing my crap. At least not while I’m wallowing in it. But since things have been looking up lately, and with a little prodding from a friend, I’m making a comeback.

At first there was the school situation with Big M. He received some impressive awards at his 6th grade graduation and I was so proud of him. But the first 3 months of Jr. High proved to be challenging to say the least. It wasn’t the material so much as it was just turning it in, with his name on it! “If Mr./Mrs/Ms. Teacher doesn’t ask for it…” ARGGGHHH!!!

But the main deal was late last year I was hit with the news that I had gone as far as I could go as a contractor with my current company. And due to their permanent head-count they could not take me as a direct employee. So I was out on my ear right before the holiday break. I knew the risks of taking that job but I needed it to be near my son and it worked out for us at that time. There is always the opportunity to go permanent when you contract out to a company, but it took me a while to figure out that I was working for the aerospace equivalent of Wal-Mart. They would rather train someone new, year after year, than keep someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. Turns out I had the longest run at that position than any previous contractor. But looking back now, I’m sure that position will be absorbed by our corporate office that has been slowly stealing our department’s responsibilities over the past year.

After that, I guess I fell into a depressive slump after tallying up the events of my life for the past 7 years. I’ve been through…let’s see…an ugly divorce from my best friend, the death of my mom, foreclosure on my house and now, loss of employment. I think I’m being seriously tested.

But I think I’m going to be ok. I came to the realization that I’m free. Free!
Free to re-invent myself. Free to study and finish so many things that I’ve wanted to do.

So I’m thinking…now that I’ve been through the proverbial ringer, things can only get better, right? Right?

*crickets*

Well, one thing is for sure.

I’m no fucking quitter.